The Walking Machine

First, let me set the record straight. I am in no way a cyclist, nor will I likely ever be mistaken for one. Despite the fact that I spent a small fortune on a fancy bike, and have subsequently purchased virtually every bike accessory known to man, I still peer into the mirror and see an aging 62 year old man, dressed up in abnormally tight shorts and an obscenely bright shirt, perhaps posing as a wayward adult about to embark upon his first “trick-or-treat” in over a half a century.

Allow me to set the stage for my story:

About nine months ago, I retired after 38 years with the same company. As with most people, along the way within these nearly 4 decades, I collected and assembled a variety of bucket list items and “one-day-I-wills…” Back when I was in my early 20’s, a good friend took off on the journey of a lifetime, and traveled by bike across the country, from Huntington, West Virginia to Huntington Beach, California. This adventure represented my first entry on my bucket list. “One day, I will ride a bike across the US”, I said, as if my making the statement would contractually obligate me, when the time came. The time is now rapidly approaching, and starting March 4th, 2023, (approximately 2 weeks from now), I will begin my own journey.

The biggest question I have is whether a 62 year old man replicate the same feat his friend did in his early 20’s. After a little research, I realized that a substantial amount of training would be required. Keep in mind, I knew how to ride a bike, having been taught by my father who displayed at the time an unusual amount of patience, (at least for him). My longest rides were about 30 minutes long, saddled upon a green Schwinn “Cheater Slick” with “ape hangers” and a “sissy bar”, (the name of which I probably somehow inspired). I’m sure I cut a dashing figure at the time when I was 6 or 7, given my green ToughSkin jeans and orange and black sneakers, both discovered and purchased in the discount bin at Sears. I can still remember the wind blowing through my hair, at a time when I at least had some hair for the wind to blow through.

In preparation for the upcoming 52 day journey, I decided that intense training was called for. After reading a few dozen books on cycling, cross-country tours and training, I decided to create a hybrid method where I would ride the average daily distance, (approximately 65 miles per day), starting three days a week, then increasing to four, then five, and then six. I thought that perhaps I would follow this schedule as best I could for as long as I could, up until I either accomplished the feat or until I was served with divorce papers.

According to my “Ride with GPS” app that I installed on my phone, I see that at present since I installed the app in early July 2022, I have ridden 5,849 miles, amounting to over 18 days of “moving time”. Talk about a miss-spent youth…how about a miss-spent first year of retirement! With only a few days of riding left, I’m praying that crazy training schedule has adequately prepared me for the 3,000 mile journey that I will soon take with 24 other people, who at the moment remain perfect strangers. Of course, these people are about to discover just how strange I am, and I will be making judgements along the way on just how “perfect” they are. (Kidding, of course!).